Extending a little charity to your father, maybe he recognized your strengths and helped you develop those. Maybe, for some reason, handiwork is not your thing so he was directing you to where you felt more joy.

My father also was both technical and handy, and while I would enjoy an afternoon working with him on something or other, I didn't naturally drift toward it. I had a couple of small projects (a weight bench is one I still remember) and I never got very far with it. It worked ok, but was kinda shitty. I never put any love into it.

But the Heathkit digital electronics course? I couldn't stay away.

To extend the charity a little to the side, maybe he built his self-worth on handiwork and had the all-too-known imposter syndrome so his preference for doing it himself was actually a subconscious way to avoid being seen for how flawed he thought he was.

Well you cannot expect a 6yo to know how to correctly hold a soldering iron, I guess :) I don't think his critisicm was warranted at the time.

Yeah, I think the most charitable explanation is that as one gains expertise one is looking for and increasingly helped only by ever more critical and precise review. One may have trouble seeing the difference in what a beginner needs and think "better" review is a short cut around "wasted" time.

Anecdotal: I had a similar experience as a child with my step-parent, who was quite the handyman but would meet my interest in wanting to help out with such tasks by dismissing me. I quickly formed an opinion about myself as not being interested or capable with such tasks.

Interestingly, many years later when I moved to a new country and fell into a job that required janitorial skills, the forced learning revealed my interest, enjoyment and capability. I now actively bust out the toolbox at the first indication of a leak, squeak or rattle...

Are you me? I've had the same experience and guess what I do for a job?

But I've never realised that actually that behaviour of negating activities to the young myself was influencing so bad my actual self. Thanks for sharing it

I'm both very technical and very handy and my father was neither. My drive to learn both was a deep desire to know how things work. It took me a very long time to figure out why, but after a lot of personal introspection I have discovered that is the root cause: a desire to know how everything and everyone works. It's how I navigate the world, through the understanding of how it works.

By the way, between 'people', 'computers' and 'the trades', it's 'people' who have been the trickiest. When someone is impressed at what I do, I used to say "computers are easy its people who are hard".

The best I can surmise is that when you are a kid you get this sort of 'base programming' that is really, REALLY fucking hard to change. Even when you recognize it and you want to change it, whew, it's a mountain to climb. That's why they say "people don't change" because its so hard.

If your dad taught you something was 'not your cup of tea' then it is very hard to change that thought in your head. I am sure there is an evolutionary reason for this because it does not make logical sense to keep doing something well after you know it's not what you want to do.

I do not have the patience to deal with people for very long periods of time. I wish I could change that, I have tried to change it.

However, my dad taught me at a very young age that it's normal and very, very common to dislike someone; because of how much I disliked him. He treated me like I was in the way. A computer in my bedroom literally saved my life.

My brother didn't hate my dad because my dad liked my brother. So he had a completely different childhood in the same exact household. And guess what: my brother is a people person (and also not handy or technical).

So, you have to play the hand you are dealt. Someone always has it worse off than you.

Just remember your childhood when you are raising your own kids.

Treat those kids with understanding and both actually listen and talk to them. Don't tranquilize them with fucking videos. Read books, listen to music and show them that life is happy and normal and routine and they can do anything day after day. When they grow up, all they will know is that life is happy and normal and routine and they can do anything.

A persons base programming is a bitch to change; make it a good one!

I noticed this happening with friends around me - parents forcing them to do things that they actively resented. Fuck those parents, your kids were not born to redeem your unfulfilled desires and ambitions. Children are sensitive, and when you raise them to be freethinkers it's a joy.

Yes! That’s also why I don’t like to force my kids to do homework. It destroys the relationship with them and kills intrinsic motivation.

Home work should be banned IMO!

In my experience, people who are good at things, who learned by being yelled at tend to believe this is the best way to teach people things. It's not. I've tried to teach people that way, it never works and it discourages them and makes them resent you.

People like that, myself included, tend to believe that because they can do it, it should be easy for other people to pick up. Or because other people can do it, it should be easy for me to do.

It took me a while to realize it doesn't work that way. Not everyone learns the same and not everyone has the same experience 'basic skills' as other people.

I've also been in your position, where I felt like I'm not good at something or wouldn't ever be able to do something because of someone yelling and being discouraging, that's not true either.

No matter what you're trying to learn, even if you're not good at it or you're not 'that kind of person' you can still learn with dedication and practice like anything else. The thing i've found is it's harder to get over that first 'ah I fucked up and feel stupid moment' that occurs with everything you learn and do.

I guarantee, you've had plenty of those with your computer stuff to, but they affect and discourage you less and you have more motivation to overcome those moments becauas you lack those memories and feelings of being yelled at over them.

This is just my own theories based on my observations in life, but they seem to have held true so far and there's been a few things i've actually pushed past those 'i'm a fucking idiot' moments and found i actually enjoy doing these things I used to dislike or be lousy at and i've found it's more my own fear of failing at them, than actual dislike of the activities themselves.

I know it's easy to say, but try to go deep man, and break those prior learnings..

I would suggest that you learn from this that your father wanted to do some things alone and that he didn't HAVE to teach you anything he didn't want to. He is an autonomous individual with his own drives and needs as are you, parents are not slaves to your desires. You should also stop using this as an excuse.

My father did the same to me but I still learned to build both software and DIY-type-things. We are shaped by my own decisions.

You're kind of preaching to the choir, I have two kids and need a lot of time for myself. But, there's no need to yell at your kid when he made a mistake that was quite foreseeable.

> You should also stop using this as an excuse.

I don't feel victimised by my father, but there's no denying his actions influenced me in a big way. And it's important to recognize that because I want to at least do better in this area with my own kids.