4 kids here. The first is a bit of a shock. I think it’s mostly because people rightly fear the unknown, but then react by buying way too much stuff. But really there is no need for it to “collapse” a household due to the need to manage objects/things.
Kids really don’t need that much. Clothes, a place to sleep, food, some toys. A car seat. Diapers and wipes. Babies need bottles, and the mother needs a pump if she is working (as most do) unless you’re doing formula. It’s not as much as it seems.
The biggest shock is the cost of daycare IMO, which can easily exceed the cost of a mortgage in some areas of you have multiple kids (or maybe even with one).
We have two; we one though of having 4, but the curve from one to two is immense. Is it getting better or better is the incline less steep with 3 and 4?
I reared 6, with 2 still at home. It all depends. With a stay at home parent, the curve is shallow. You're likely already got the vehicle you need for transport. Insurance does not go up after 2. So it's just food, clothing, and bunk beds at that point. It's all a matter of life choices. As they get older, if you rear them right, you have built-in baby sitters.
Some will point out college. Again, it's a matter of life choices. All mine decided to learn a trade, and so far are very successful at that. The oldest at home is presently apprenticing to be a small aircraft mechanic.
I do not want kids, ever (I'm 34 going on 35 soon), but OP is absolutely correct about this:
> It should be a choice. Abortion should be legal, de-stigmatized, safe and easy to access.
> We can afford, as a society, to make it a little easier on babies and new parents.
It's not right that many states and countries criminalize abortion because "think of the children", and it's also not right that parenting is So. Fucking. Expensive.
~~Why does day care cost two Model S financed loans per month for many people? Why are diapers and formula so unbelievably expensive when they've probably recovered their R&D costs several times over?~~ Why are parents forced to be in the office when their jobs do not require it but their kids require _them_?
EDIT: I can't strikethrough stuff on HN but I realized that daycares and COGS for baby stuff makes sense to be pricey. I don't understand leadership teams calling people back into the office despite stable or increasing productivity numbers, especially leaders that are parents themselves.
Child care is labor. You want to be rich, yet have some poor woman work for minimum wage? My wife stayed home, I worked. Having children is hard, but as hard as people like to pretend.
Diapers are extremely cheap when you use reusable ones. When did consumers come to believe throwing a diaper away every time a baby soiled itself was financially or ecologically viable?
The vast majority of people use formula by choice. Cry me a river. Mothers have breasts for a reason, and looking good in a bikini isn’t it.
How pleasant your life must be when you think the default situation for parents is to be in the office.
Our bottle wash - dry - sterilize - fill pipeline alone has gone from piles of chaos to a finally tuned machine. It’s like a more gratifying factorio, although the biters get larger faster. =)
We raised them both almost completely on our own... having no parents nearby to assist and we're both fiercely independent anyway. your 9 month old will get easier to manage and the 2nd (if you have a 2nd) will be a smoother/flatter difficulty curve.
Not saying it hasn’t worked out for you (kudos if it has!), but being part of a Facebook group with 80k+ participants who regret being parents (as a casual observer), I’m just pointing out it’s not a universal truth.
It’s totally worth it for you. For many, it is not.
Totally get it. I guess I’m saying that there’s a parenthetical “in my experience” attached to everything I say. I do not believe being a parent is right for everyone or in all situations. I’m just saying that even though it’s hard, if you want to do it, it’s worth it (in my experience)
Totally fair. As a parent, no one told me what the experience was going to be like. An older friend (with college age children) said, “if we told you what it was like, you never would’ve had them.” It’s expensive. It’s suffering. It is never ending, and there is no guarantee your children will care about you when they become adults and are autonomous. You’ve taken on a decades long job you’re paying for.
Consider my comments as attempts to inform before permanent life decisions are made, because for many, no one is being real about what the experience is going to be like.
I'll admit I got to the same phrase and violently closed the tab. Something about newspeak revolts me, once I see the "message" promulgated, I just cant take the author seriously anymore.
Not everyone who gives birth embraces the word, for a number of reasons. Sometimes people have surrogates give birth. Sometimes moms and dads adopt and don't give birth. Sometimes people who give birth don't identify as women. I know people in many of these groups so I tried to write in an inclusive way. It's not that you can't use the word mother! I have a mother. I'm married to a mother. And no one is telling you what you can and can't say! _I_ just chose to use broader language. The amount of weird comments about it is weird IMO.
Kids really don’t need that much. Clothes, a place to sleep, food, some toys. A car seat. Diapers and wipes. Babies need bottles, and the mother needs a pump if she is working (as most do) unless you’re doing formula. It’s not as much as it seems.
The biggest shock is the cost of daycare IMO, which can easily exceed the cost of a mortgage in some areas of you have multiple kids (or maybe even with one).